November 23, 2009

Ruling Twitter from Day 1

Twitter for Babies & Dogs!

There are so many reasons to get a Twitter account for your newborn or dog.

Showing Your Love – Nothing says “I love you” like your first Twitter account.

There is no better way to show your child or your dog how much you care by getting them their own personal Twitter account. They can tweet about what they are doing, what they are thinking, when they need to be let out, or when they need a diaper change. What a convenient way for your dog or new child to communicate with you! Next time Sparky is hungry, you’ll be updated though your mobile device at all times of the day.

Please note: Creation of this account is even possible at the first sign of pregnancy.

Name Squatting – Get that name early!

By the time your child is of 13 years of age, Twitter will probably still be the medium of choice on the Internet! Better take those handles now because as time passes it will be harder and harder for your child to have an ideal username in the future.

Other accounts you should sign your child/dog up for: MySpace, Flickr, Facebook, and if you’re feeling extra loving, why not a YouTube too?

Archiving memories – My dog/babies 1st.

As technology develops, remembering “baby’s first tweet” will be just as important as their first lock of hair. The first one is special and should be thought out completely. Make sure not to waste it!

Example of a good first tweet: “I’m ALIVE!”

Free attention – Everyone loves a cute baby…or dog!

Your Twitter account may not be doing so well but think of all the attention you can get by being a baby or a dog! Think about it. Who can hate a baby or a dog? While your Twitter account may have only 5-10 followers live through your child’s Twitter account to get thousands!

Get ahead of the game! - Start a trend

While everyone else is setting up accounts for their dogs and children you can start a new trend.  Start creating Twitter accounts for plants, cars, and other household items.  You’ll be amazed how simple it is to give inanimate objects their own unique personality. Think of how fun it will be pretend to be your’86 Honda Civic! Vroom Vroom! Your friends will envy your creativity and you’ll start to see everyone mimic your great idea!

Things you can make accounts for: Trash can, radio, duffle bag, laptop, car, guitar, wallet. The possibilities are endless!

2:28am  |   URL: http://ftw.tumblr.com/post/254092414/ruling-twitter-from-day-1
(No. OF NOTES: 1)
  
November 16, 2009

How to Become King of Twitter

1.) Address everyone as an audience.

Twitter is your main stage and your followers are your crowd! Don’t be afraid to shine!

Examples:

  • How is everyone doing?
  • Hey all, what are you up tonight?!

2.) Make sure to wish the “Twittersphere” goodnight.

Don’t forget to use the exact phrase of “Twittersphere” Since this is an actual place, you need to make sure you address it as such. This is almost as important as wishing your own mother goodnight. Imagine going to bed without knowing someone you are following wants it to be a good night - horrific!

Side note: For bonus points wish your followers a good morning and afternoon.

3.) Comment on how many followers you have.

Getting all those followers was really hard work. You have a right to brag about it! You must have clicked that little follow button over 2,000 times - now it’s time to be rewarded by praise.

For bonus points: Tell everyone how many times you have tweeted and/or listed. These things will only make your followers love you more.

4.) Call everyone your tweeps or your tweeple!

Everyone loves to be called a name you think is clever because you added a “tw” to the beginning. You already know it’s extremely clever - but imagine how clever everyone else things it is!

Inside scoop: It’s easier than you think to make things sound Twitter related. tw-apple, tw-chair. It can be done with virtually any word!

5.) Tweet about each and everyone of your problems!

If you’re feeling down this is one of the best ways to get free pity.

Examples:

  • Today is the worst day of my entire life :*(
  • I wish someone could make me feel better right now :(

3:40am  |   URL: http://ftw.tumblr.com/post/245819683/how-to-become-king-of-twitter
September 28, 2009

How to Succeed on Twitter - Part 2 

Ten quizzes a day keeps the doctor away - and will enlighten you!

There is no better way to find out who you really are than having someone else tell you.  Online you can find quizzes that will answer hard questions such as “When will you die?” “How well do you really know Miley Cyrus?” and “Which song best describes your love life?” These quizzes are always surprisingly accurate!

Practice Test Questions:

Test preparation - example questions you might come across:
What is your favorite color?
Do you prefer summer, winter, spring, or fall?
Choose one: scarf, apple, or book
Are you a blond, brunet, or red head?

Who needs eHarmony anyways? - Twitter for dating!

Feeling lonely? The more time you spend on Twitter the more attractive you will seem to others of the opposite sex. Millions of users =  millions of opportunities for true love. Get all of your emotional needs from one site!

How to find your soul mate:

Look to the ‘Bio’ section of your followers to find your perfect match. The 160 character limit is all that is needed to reveal a soul mate in waiting.

Re-Tweet Yourself Each and Everyday - Building Credibility

There is no better way to build credibility among your followers than by reiterating what you said an hour ago. Don’t forget to re-tweet verbatim what you last posted an hour ago. Chances are 1-3 of your followers didn’t see it the first time. You can continue ReTweeting yourself until you feel confident each and every follower acknowledges that they have read the tweet.

Examples:

original post: @jessica today i’m going to the store

one hour later RT @jessica today i’m going to the store

two hours later RT @jessica RT @jessica today i’m going to the store

Make Sure to Tell Your Followers How They Can Make Money - KaChing$!

The best way to do this is by sending out an Auto Direct message with a link to a site that helps them get rich fast!  Send this Auto DM to all of your new followers - they WILL appreciate it! If they proceed to unfollow you after receiving this message, know that it is only because they are too busy making money to be the Twitter God that you are.

One Day a week make sure to post ALL of the trending topics in one Tweet - Stay hip with the trends.

You will gain so many followers this way. There is no better way to show your concern about current events taking place within the Twittersphere.  Make sure to post this tweet at least 17 times to give the exposure it deserves. Don’t forget to do this every week. Failing to acknowledge what everyone is talking about will cause others to see you in a negative light.

Example: #BritneySpears #imsinglebecause #Alaksa #floortiles #dreamcar #yourmom

8:52pm  |   URL: http://ftw.tumblr.com/post/199639712/how-to-succeed-on-twitter-part-2

How to Succeed on Twitter - Part 1

Update constantly – This means all day, every day.

Make sure to not let an hour go by without updating your followers on what you are doing. People love to know every detail of your life no matter how small. It really is the little things in life that matter. This is why you shouldn’t neglect to tell your followers each and every time you stand up, sit down, or even every breath you take.

Example:

I’m breathing. I just sat up. I just sat down. Just took another breathe. Good day so far. Another breath.

Make sure to not have a real picture of yourself – Secrecy is key.

This will enhance the opinion your follows will have of you. It will make you appear to be more mysterious – everyone loves a good mystery.  It’s important to not let people know who you really are. If they see your real picture they could potentially steal your identify, social security number, and even your future daughter’s middle name that the Twitter quiz you just took revealed.

How to:

The best way to do this is to go to Google and type in Girl. The first picture you come across will be adequate. Right click save image and you’re on your way to having an image your friends will envy.

Harass your followers ALL DAY – everyone loves attention.

Respond to each and every post and make sure to take up all 140 characters and more. Did you know that you’re allowed to post more than one tweet in a row to the same person? Take advantage of this! Whoever you are @ replying to will appreciate your efforts and each extra tweet shows them how much you really care!

Example: Your Friend @Joe tweets : “Just checked out a library book”

Your Reply: @Joe – Wow I love reading so much!

@Joe – What book did you get?

@Joe – Can I borrow it?

@Joe – What does the cover look like?

@Joe – How many pages is the book?

@Joe – Last week I read a book.

@Joe – I wonder if it’s the same one. Hmmm

Talk Like You Really Do Know Miley Cyrus - Embrace your future fame.

It really is “who you know” not who you are.  Make sure that your followers are aware of your relationship with Miley. Make sure to @ Reply her at least 5-7 times a day. Your followers will be impressed that you and Miley have such a close relationship.  Do this with all other celebrities as well. Some of the best to talk to are The Jonas Brothers, Taylor Swift, McFly, iJustine, and Martha Stewart. If you’re feeling chatty you can even add chatting with Oprah to your daily routine.

Don’t Think for Yourself – Let your followers decide.

Your followers will love that you have chosen to include them in your decision making process. Why waste your own brain power on deciding life’s simple choices such as white or wheat?  Ask your followers to guide you through your day - that’s why they’re following you, right? Obviously they’re interested in YOU.  Let them feel important by shaping your daily activities.

Example: Having trouble deciding which lunch meat to consume? Simply tweet: Turkey or Ham? Let your followers decide each and every hard decision you may have.

8:20pm  |   URL: http://ftw.tumblr.com/post/199614529/how-to-succeed-on-twitter-part-1
(No. OF NOTES: 1)